Human sexuality is just about what feels good, and feelings are what matter most, right? Well, that’s what our modern Romantics have taught us. And once our culture adopted the belief that people form sexual relationships only in order to be happy, it was only a matter of time before no-fault divorce became mainstream, and then that pre-marital sex became acceptable. Most recently, all sorts of combinations – men with men, women with women – have become not only tolerated but celebrated. After all, if happiness is all that matters, who’s to impose limitations on something so obviously personal?

That’s the kind of thought that obviously motivated the man discussed in verse 16 – if it feels good, why not seduce a young woman who’s not engaged? Because in those days, a woman who was not a virgin had no hope of marriage, and thus could expect neither financial security nor the blessings of having children. A man who thus used a woman merely to gratify his lust was dooming her to a life of poverty and social rejection.

That’s why the Law said that such a man was required to pay a dowry to the father of the girl he had abused. Yes, the usual practice in those days was exactly the reverse – the father paid a dowry to the prospective husband of his daughter, because the groom was assuming lifelong financial responsibility for her. But the man who was guilty of sleeping with an unmarried girl had to both pay her father and support her for the rest of her life. In short, the prescribed remedy for sexual selfishness was a double dose of responsibility.

Yes, marriage is about much more than the mutual pursuit of pleasure. In fact, the Bible teaches that it’s primarily about the mutual pursuit of holiness – that may be why verses 18 and 20 find their way into this passage. After all, it’s just as important to reject the worship of sexual fulfillment as it is to reject the worship of magic or the worship of any other false god, for that matter.

So, what might happen if our culture were to recover a more Biblical concept of marriage – one which seeks to express self-sacrificial love through mutual responsibility, and which thus finds lasting happiness only as a by-product of such an exclusive, lifelong commitment? Might more men take responsibility for their children – and for the women who gave birth to them? Might we thus see meaningful reduction in a whole host of social problems, from child poverty to juvenile delinquency to educational failure – all of which primarily stem from fatherless families? We might find that true love – the kind of love that sacrifices the self for the good of the beloved – puts the self-focused lust of Romanticism to shame.

Exodus 22:16-20 (NASB)

16 “And if a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife.
17 “If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins.
18 “You shall not allow a sorceress to live.
19 “Whoever lies with an animal shall surely be put to death.
20 “He who sacrifices to any god, other than to the LORD alone, shall be utterly destroyed.