What is the most important attribute of a husband or wife? Under the spell of Romanticism, our modern society has cast its vote for visual attractiveness. And beauty is, in fact, important: the Song of Solomon is in the Bible after all, and it is largely made up of two lovers describing each other’s physical charms. Just as Jacob fell for Rachel at first sight (Genesis 29:10, 20), we cannot deny that we are attracted by what we see.
No, the problem with Romanticism is that it substitutes a part of the truth for the whole. For while a pretty face or a handsome figure does indeed have the power to turn heads, it takes more than beauty to build a successful marriage. After all, Samson fell in love at first sight too: with a Philistine girl (Judges 14:1-2) who eventually betrayed him (Judges 14:17). And it was not pretty Rachel who was the ancestor of David and then of Jesus, but Jacob’s unloved wife Leah. As verse 30 of today’s passage warns us, beauty is vain: it is fleeting, and no amount of time in the gym, no amount of hair color or botox or face lifts can halt its inevitable departure.
No, what truly lasts, and what should therefore be of primary importance in picking a spouse, is his or her devotion to the Lord (v. 30). That’s how King Lemuel’s mother described the wife he should seek, but the same thing is also true for any prospective husband: godliness should always trump good looks.
And that’s because it is the one who loves God and who is filled with the Holy Spirit who will of course be trustworthy (v. 11). It is the one who studies God’s Word who will of course be increasingly filled with wisdom, and eager to share God’s truth with others (v. 26). It is the one who lives according to God’s law of love who will of course work hard for the benefit of his or her family (vv. 15, 27), as well as for the needy in the community (v. 20).
Here’s the bottom line: a marriage based on common devotion to Christ will be a blessing not only to the couple themselves but to everyone around them. So, no matter what initially drew you to your present (or future) spouse, if you seek the Lord and His will together, you’ll end up with much more than the fleeting illusion of Romanticism. You’ll find a love that will last forever.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (NASB)
10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax, And works with her hands in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength, And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor; And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.
