So, how should the Christian life change our relationships with other people? In Colossians 3:14, Paul tells us that, as we are joined to Christ by faith, our lives will be marked by true love for one another. But this is not the selfish sort of desire that the Romantics are constantly seeking to gratify. No, just as Christians shift their focus away from themselves and toward God, so we are called to shift our focus away from our desires and toward the needs of other people. Such a focus inevitably draws people together, binding them in perfect harmony (3:14), just as self-focus pulls us apart from one another, as we seek only to please ourselves.

And a focus on God and on others invariably leads to the sort of life Paul describes in verses 12 and 13. For if we are genuinely determined to bless other people, of course we will be patient with their flaws, and kind with their displays of weakness. Of course we will forgive those who have hurt us and bear with the inconveniences they cause us. In short, true love is expressed not in the passionate desire to get what we want, but in the meek, humble desire that others have what they need.

Now, this sort of humble love is expressed in different ways in different relationships; after all, you don’t love your friends in the same way that you love your spouse or your children. Moreover, husbands and wives meet each other’s needs in different ways as wives respect their husbands and husbands cherish and care for their wives (3:18-19). Children express their love through obedience just as parents express their love through understanding discipline (3:20-21). Ancient slaves (and modern employees) express their love through wholehearted service, just as ancient masters (and modern employers) express their love through fair and just treatment of those who work for them (3:22-4:1).

But all of this love springs from the knowledge that God has chosen to set His love on those for whom Christ died (3:12). And so let us seek to demonstrate Christ’s humble, self-sacrificial, unconditional love for everyone who has been made part of His body through faith (3:15). Let us not only learn the Word of Christ, allowing it to dwell richly in us, but let us also express Biblical words of love for one another and words of thanks for God (3:16). For isn’t that the best way to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus (3:17)?

Colossians 3:12-4:1 (NASB)

12 And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
14 And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.
16 Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.
20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.
22 Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.
23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men;
24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.
Masters, grant to your slaves justice and fairness, knowing that you too have a Master in heaven.