How can we help our friends in their time of need? Unfortunately, Job’s friends provide both a positive and a negative example. Oh, they started out all right. In 1:12 we learn that when they saw Job’s suffering they cried, and tore their clothes, and put dust on their heads – all very appropriate expressions of grief in their culture. They thus mourned Job’s loss right along with him – and that is one of the best things we can do for our hurting friends.

They also sat with him for seven days and seven nights (1:13), and that’s another good thing to do. Just being there can be a powerful reminder of our care and concern. Providing a listening ear to those who are grieving, allowing them to share memories of their departed loved ones is an important way to help them heal.

But then Job’s friends opened their mouths and ruined everything. Now, a lot of what they said was true, at least in general. Eliphaz was right that no human being is pure and innocent (4:17). Bildad was right that God is always perfectly just, and always does what is right (8:3). But they tried to apply their general knowledge about God in a way that did not, in fact, fit Job’s particular situation. So they ended up accusing Job, assuming that he must have done something wrong to bring all his suffering upon himself. That’s why Job bitterly compares his friends’ words to a dry streambed, a place where the hope of man and beast soon turns to disappointment (6:17-20).

So, why did Job’s friends try to sit in judgment on him? Why did they insist that he must deserve the blame for his problems? So that they could hold on to the illusion that they were in control. After all, if we can attach a cause to every effect, we know how to stay out of trouble, right? So, all too often, we try to figure out why someone is suffering so that we can assure ourselves the same thing won’t happen to us.

But when we do that, our focus is on ourselves, on trying to assuage our own fears (6:21). Instead, when our friends are hurting, we need to be more concerned with consoling, comforting and encouraging them. And if we all trust in God’s justice and mercy, even when we don’t understand what is going on in our lives, we’ll have the confidence to do just that.

Job 6:14-26 (NASB)

14 “For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; Lest he forsake the fear of the Almighty.
15 “My brothers have acted deceitfully like a wadi, Like the torrents of wadis which vanish,
16 Which are turbid because of ice, And into which the snow melts.
17 “When they become waterless, they are silent, When it is hot, they vanish from their place.
18 “The paths of their course wind along, They go up into nothing and perish.
19 “The caravans of Tema looked, The travelers of Sheba hoped for them.
20 “They were disappointed for they had trusted, They came there and were confounded.
21 “Indeed, you have now become such, You see a terror and are afraid.
22 “Have I said, ‘Give me something,’ Or, ‘Offer a bribe for me from your wealth,’
23 Or, ‘Deliver me from the hand of the adversary,’ Or, ‘Redeem me from the hand of the tyrants ‘?
24 “Teach me, and I will be silent; And show me how I have erred.
25 “How painful are honest words! But what does your argument prove?
26 “Do you intend to reprove my words, When the words of one in despair belong to the wind?